Freedom is like a drug to me. Once I've had a little taste of it, I crave more--I want more independence, more emancipation, more of my own being. I desire to be different, to live my own life, free of the expectations that some people would place upon me.
But freedom comes with a lot of fears for me, too. I'm not spoiled, but I'll freely admit I've had a lot handed to me; maybe not on silver platters, but at the very least on china-ish dishes. College (or any of my education, really), a place to live, food, my car, my cell phone...I haven't worked a whole lot to get what I have. One of my fears is that I will not be able to have "what I'm used to" and still be able to live on my own.
Another fear is failure.
I am so afraid to fail that it keeps me stuck in one place, in stasis, like I can't go anywhere or do anything with my life. I'm so afraid that no one will be there to catch me when I fall, despite the fact that I have a great support system, without whom I'd be lost. I'm so afraid to fail that it keeps me from even trying. I can be independent; I know instinctively that I need to be. It's just a part of the whole "growing up" thing. I'm too stubborn not to try, but too afraid of having nowhere to go if I fail.
So, hopefully someday soon, I'll be able to say the war for my independence is won. I may not be on my own yet, but just wait. I hope that by this time next year, I'll be able to say, "I have a place of my own." That's my goal.
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